I think this subject could apply to my mood, my bank account, my weight or my recently discovered to be malfunctioning blood sugar levels. In some regards, these numbers are good, but overall, things are too chaotic for my liking. I think the next few weeks will take some focus to get them heading in the right direction, and to keep them where they should be.

Last night, my blood glucose was 550, after spending the evening with friends at a trivia night benefit for another friend’s mother, who has cancer. It was a worthwhile and fun event, but snacks consisted of M&Ms and chips, and damned if I didn’t eat them when they were placed in front of me. My blood glucose (fasting) dropped to 319 (which I consider good), overnight, yet a simple bowl of organic, flax cereal, with several strawberries again pushed my numbers up, this time to 450. I really must have no ability to process sugars, and I guess it’s something I need to take seriously.

I’m a little disappointed that things are fluctuating so much, even after a long walk with Kobe, and playing with him in the yard. I thought that was enough exercise to balance out breakfast, but maybe not. So, I’m putting leaving my pre-packaged, diet lunch, in the microwave, and about to work on cleaning the garage for half an hour. More exercise, and a chore I have been putting off.

On another front, my weight loss (due to my body’s inability to properly process sugar) has been the only good side effect of diabetes, so far. (I was hoping women would go out on pity dates with me, but so far that hasn’t happened.) I started losing weight in May, and my fat-lazy weight, was in the ballpark of 250 lbs. (clothed) – not something I’m proud of. In 2002, I went to the gym and lost 50 lbs in just over a month. That’s more than two of those large bags of dog food. Just look at your body and think about where you could hide bags of dog food. It doesn’t seem possible that a couple of pants sizes could account for that, but there you have it. In May, I dropped about 15 lbs, and my pants were drooping. By mid-June, I knew something was up, and some pants wouldn’t stay up without a belt. I was down 20 lbs, and then at the end of June, I was down 25 lbs, and found myself wearing pants I haven’t worn in 7 years. It’s mid-July, and I’m down 30 lbs, which actually measures 215 lbs straight out of the shower. I’m hoping that this is something I can maintain, and that I can build up to a good, frequent gym routine, to add some muscle back, and stay fit. Even though this weight loss is due to me being broken inside, I need to look at the glass as half-full. This does help me feel better, have more self-esteem and a better attitude.

I wasn’t aware that mood swings and depression were also tied to high blood sugar levels. It might explain some of what I’ve been feeling the past few months. On the other hand, I won’t go into the money situation, but suffice it to say I’m really, really looking forward to the day my son can pay all his own bills.

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