I’ve been feeling good today. I think my mood was good and I came home motivated and got right into doing something, rather than sitting and relaxing. Once I relax for long enough, my motivation goes out the window. Today I was determined to mow, and then Kobe crapped on the carpet and I decided to clean the house. I vacuumed and shampooed carpets, did dishes and picked up the mess that just happens after going too many weeks with a busy schedule and too little energy to keep up appearances. I didn’t mow the whole yard, but got most of it, and then jumped in the pool with the dogs.

In part, I think my mood improved after hearing that things were going well with Jarrett, in Iowa City. He’s working at Sears now, as a service writer, and he’s going to start paying the bulk of his monthly bills. Work stresses me to no end, but I think that’s my personality. I overcommit and feel pressured the whole day to complete more tasks than I can reasonably complete. But, I renewed my gym membership today, so I really hope that I feel as upbeat after work tomorrow, so I can finish mowing and maybe make some progress in cleaning out the garage. With Jarrett gone, I really should be able to park in there. I’m going to Vegas on the 26th for a few days for Black Hat, and hope to get at least 6 good days at the gym before then. My stamina is for shit, and I need to do something about that.

It seems somewhere along the way, either blame it on genetics or my predisposition to eat too many pizzas and sit on my ass in front of the computer or TV, but “the diabetes” seems to have cropped up sometime around March or April. I haven’t seen a doctor since December 2008, so it is very possible my blood glucose levels were high, and/or my platelet problems reared their bloody heads in 2009 – but, I really felt out of sorts in May and June. The frequent trips to the bathroom, were an indication of something being wrong. I had a constant dry mouth, and felt like I was going into shock twice in May/June when I mowed the lawn on very hot days, without drinking water. I feel crappy half the time anyway, from allergies, so the symptoms had to be severe enough to notice. My vision got worse and I was forced to find a pair of prescription glasses from 1990 to wear, just to keep things clear enough for meetings and driving. I often felt like there was a soul-sucking sensation in my chest, which mixed with a frequently depressed mood, concerned me. I now know that was the sensation of muscles unable to draw energy from the glucose in my blood, because I wasn’t producing enough insulin.

Just so you know, my blood sugar was 347 two weeks ago, after fasting for 12 hours. I guess that’s pretty high, but I told the doctor I was not going to start anything dramatic, or go on medication right away. Being a bit in denial, and embarrassed that my “disease du jour” was due to my being fat and lazy, I tried to just keep things “moderate” while on vacation in Michigan with family for 10 days. When my Dad got out his glucose meter and I tipped the scale at 557, I knew two things. First, I had no willpower whatsoever, around my mother’s cinnamon rolls, and second, that I’d better try to get my numbers into a more reasonable range. I picked up a free glucose meter from the pharmacy, yesterday, and measured 362. However, after light fare for dinner, and a good night’s sleep, I woke up feeling crappy and sore, but scored a 260, which I think is a much better fasting number than >300. (I think I felt crappy in part, because of allergies. The pharmacist said mold was affecting locals recently, and I believe the Sudafed I bought, was helpful.)

The side-effect of all this, has been significant weight loss. I know this is a “symptom”, but I consider it a side benefit. I’ve lost over 25 pounds in two months, and expect to be at 210 lbs when I go out to Las Vegas (gym should help). This is a pretty awesome thing, for me. It gives me more energy and seeing the results in the mirror are motivating. If my blood glucose levels don’t stay in the low 200s, with improved diet and exercise (which I’ve been meaning to do ANYWAY ), I’ll discuss other options with my doctor. For now, I’m taking a DIY approach and just trying to learn what works for me. I feel certain that things have not been severe enough to cause irreparable damage, and feel the end result will be a healthier lifestyle and an operating weight that will improve my self-image. I was telling someone at work today, that humans tend to wait to change until they hit a wall. I think it often takes something dramatic to motivate me to take action. My projects often get completed on the eve of their deadline, so I’m not worried about any of this, because I’m sure it will motivate me to make positive changes. I hope this “non-medical” viewpoint proves to be accurate, or I’ll be recanting from the emergency room, but I’m determined to learn more and take the advice of experts.

Now, if only the puppy will stop pooping on my carpet!

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